you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
