Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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