Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
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