see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
