The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
