I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
