Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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