I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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