The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
