ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
