we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
