i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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