i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
