Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Randomize
