Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
