Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
