his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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