Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
