I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
