I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
