we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
