In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
