Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
