census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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