is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Houston, we have a blender
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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