I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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