This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
