your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
