i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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