Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
