Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
