Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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