They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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