The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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