What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
