If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
