$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
