Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
