She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
