were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
