I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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