just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
God I need to hump something, right now.
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