was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I supernannyed him into submission
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
