why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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