Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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