I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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