i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
