So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
