so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
