i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
