sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the day after is always just damage control
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My vagina is officially offended.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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