Your face is a jimmy john
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
