I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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