her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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