I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
