god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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