my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize