We're like a lot better than the average bears
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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