i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
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some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
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After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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