Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
