I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
