she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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