just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
