dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize